Prismatic imprisonment, pixelated inmates purveying jail time as a monument to wrecked encampments, neat tides orderly in flux and flow; I've never let introversion deter my commitment to the occasional observation.

Rocket science! In turn reticulated content in snide and snotty comment returns a burst of emotion back to silence; Like, I'd defy in sense the listlessness of listing off my problems, in honest thought I'd rather do than dawdle.

But here I am, resenting the tests that bettered my insensitive rhetoric; Sorry, my emotions are tied to coarse moments so I just get confused. Enter, Empath.

I'd like to say belied by facts that my decisiveness was tact, or my resourcefulness was tantamount to past actions. But I detract any meaning from my fucked up wit. I'd rather wallow than get over it.

Sorry, my sovereign novelties wore off when the reality set in that stars aren't born they're made from shedding sweat and proving prophecy. The option to be offset and forlorn, or to look to the sky in sentient syndicate of the proverbs that you heard.

Goddamnit just take the good advice, instead of arguing against a good that may not well be done.
Who cares about the petty dramas that they do not want? Or to revel in the story, like a good off center comedy.

Fixed again by rigid misanthropy, the human race is just another annoyance in the day to day.
Chronologically we'd withheld a mindset, of getting old and dying, but I'd rather live on an axis of death and rebirth than just finality of death.

Context, again vexed by the perplexing rhetoric, do you even live in this reality?
I've severed most ties, except with my eyes, they tend to see the mess that we live in frequently.

But silence is polite and lying is a virtue. At least if you're good at something, something can come of it.

The End.

Isn't it funny, a funny thing, no?
For what you've invited to tear you apart
For what you've not noticed, right under your nose
To starve for attention and then become feral?
And isn't it funny, for roots to take hold
For trees with disease to be ripped from the ground
Isn't it fucking fabulous, in fact
That birds should fly without space to land
That ships should sail with no destination
Then captains should wonder how they got lost

Isn't it karma then, you would think
For someone to carelessly sow what they bring
But wonder then why, in fact, nothing will grow
How could you not see, you've been on barren ground
If you'd have looked up.
If you'd have faced front.
If you'd taken the time, you'd have seen what was there.
You never noticed the incoming storm.
You never noticed the flood at your door.
A rising tide of foresight built a boat
Well then, those convictions were never that strong
I've got hours at the helm and I'm so fucking tired
Your convictions were worthless to me
But I tried.
While you stepped off the rocks
You never look where you're going
Dumb cunt
I hope you fucking drown.

More cyclical, cynical, existential bullshit

The path you take is a question of experience
And learning your worth, uncover revelation
Sometimes I want to sleep forever
I wish I could be more assertive
I wish I had more confidence
Which is kinda pathetic, cuz I think I'm the best
But I couldn't be, with these comparisons
Well maybe I'm just narcissistic :/

My thoughts jump around way too much
It hurts most when I'm starved for human touch
Forgive me for sticking with a withering love
I'm only as much as I've done; which is nothing
My existence consists of mostly dying and running
Don't be hopeful and think I am coming

You're going to lose me, how does that feel?
Sometimes the optimist in me gets killed
Revival is pointless; there is no happiness
When depression takes the reigns

You've gotta laugh when you're defective
Sick humor a side effect for a sick reality
Sometimes it's impossible to be happy
I can't get comfortable with my anxiety

I try to be hopeful and look to the sky
But the clouds cast a shadow, drains my will to be bright
All I can ever think to do is write
My electric nerves set the page on fire

I sink with despair to obsession with memes
As if comfort and care were replaced by content sharing
Like such common affair could replace what is missing
I won't go anywhere with that kind of thinking

I chalk it up to self defense
But I've got to admit I'm a fucking mess
About damn time I try to cleanse
But I'm stuck, introduction to listlessness

Try escaping this lame presentation of doubts
I keep running but fuck, I can't make my way out
So I lift up my head as I lower the clouds
My sanity starving, in time with the drought

Cuz my brain is a place of too much abstract thought
And the rain can't sustain my unquenchable thirst
You never get to live if you don't wake up first

About Kidney Failure

I reflect negativity as a mind designed by apathy
Depression is a barren landscape
Dry and uncomfortable, drowning in arid desert storms
I am filled to the brim with the need to release
But was never quite able to get it to come
Crying and shaking or swaying and sighing
Words are a curse, it's too fast and too bright
Hospital rooms, doctors and meds
Did they give me something to make me forget?
Walls zooming by, vision's a blur
I don't really think I want to remember
I like the vantage point of this perspective
I wonder if they'll notice
Distract my attention, it's flying too fast
Forget sensitivity, switch up the format
I'm stretched on a bed but the body's not mine
The body's uncomfortable, doesn't fit right
Doesn't seem so symmetrical, outside the lines
Everything is uneven, it's hard to control
It forgets to breathe, and it freaked, then it froze
Are you making this up, are you sure it's a fact?
I'm remembering something, but is it correct?
When I died on the table, did I return in tact?
And when I close my eyes, will I ALWAYS come back?
I feel like the gospel has something to say
But I want to walk and create my own place
If I am some channel, why can't I just piss?
Why do uphill battles grapple my attention?
Why do I generalize and stay ambiguous?
Well, kids, I'm just not looking to get too personal
Metaphor used to work but I destroy myself over
A curse, and I would never wish that on anyone
Because I live through it every day
With no one here to reach for me
And if you thought for a moment your back was breaking
maybe try twisting your own spine like I have been doing
For years.
But the side effect is that I've twisted my mind
With body to bind
But I designed a disciplinary regiment intent to keep my ass in line.
It's a fragile balance, mental health
And I'm one or the other, or I'm both
I don't know.
I see your actions and I reflect your soul
Am I present, or no?
If it isn't mine, I have to let go.
But let's bring it back to the point that I had
About being uncomfortable in your own skin
Just own it and mold it the best that you can
Chances are I will never be healed
It's taken me years to accept what I see
This life gives us gifts back for what it has taken
I live in a body without working kidneys
[4] hours, three days a week, tethered to a machine
But for all of my struggles with positivity
My outlets keep me moving
These words are my gift, I accept to receive
As long as I always believe, I am free


And now you see me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Josh]

Allow me to strip you of your sensitivities

Be pleased of your conquest, your spreading seeds

And be appeased in your progress in getting rid of me

I didn't need you, repeat and then it will be 

I grieve your companionship, because I 

Believed I could handle it, but I was

Too weak to withstand the facts

But that's not what we planned to happen

Goddess, get me on the same page

I'm just wasting away

I'm a waste of your space

But you let me invade

And I gave you the same

Try to relate but appraisal was latent

You let me believe I was closer

I couldn't conceive what you wanted

There's nothing left for us, we know

Love isn't logical

You're under your own control

You're the one who should've spoke

With your skewed notion of preferred roles

Our words are at odds with the actions in tow

I'm so tired of being the one to fill the empty room

An unempathetic audience, I talk to the walls

You fucked yourself royally, and so did I

A promise is nothing when shrouded in lies

Now Stop.

Breathe. 

Remember me?

I used to See.

I looked past negativity

I used to talk rhythmically

In metaphor and cyclically 

I still generalize everything

But you always know what I mean

Fuck man we just forgot to speak

And I called for you but you stopped listening

I know you didn't want to watch me suffer

I know this shit goes deeper

I'm not the only one with a weakness

But I'll scratch it til it bleeds

I fragment in hopes you relate

You the reader, whoever you may be

I'm giving you ways to derive meaning

But I'm doing this for me

I might never make him see

But I'm hopeful and naive

I'd be honored, now in all honesty

To be criticized in an arrogant rage

As if I didn't criticize you all the same

As if blatant deflection helped your case

But I'm irrelevant now

Less than nothing, like you said of her 

And you assume I'm just a toy

At least I don't betray myself

By getting caught in my own web of lies

Still, I can't ignore 

The feelings I harbor

And you can ignore me and make me feel awful

But you're going to choke on your double standards

My feelings aren't useless 

I'm not over you and

I'm hopelessly coping but not getting through yet

But this isn't about how you hurt me

This is about me processing

And finding out how to finally get free

How to be happy

I want to rise above

Find eminating love

Remember comfort from a touch

Cuz you kinda fucked that up

But

I hope you find what you're missing

Hope you get on your grind and succeed

Honestly

I hope you're finally learning

What I couldn't seem to teach